


a poem a day keeps the self-hatred away

by Bunshin



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, He's my #1 vent character so, Hurt/Comfort, I swear my writing is better than the description, Just a ton of one-shots, M/M, Poems, Tom's depressed, because i WILL destroy his mental health, good luck, if you love him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 05:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15679089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunshin/pseuds/Bunshin
Summary: basically i'm writing a bunch of eddsworld one-shots thingies after poems i've written or just poems i've likeddespite the title, it won't be updating dailybtw this is probably going to be all angst b/c venting via characters is great





	1. Tom's Brother's Friend

**i'm falling,**

**flailing,**

**everything around me is breaking,**

**shattering**

**into a piece of glass**

**and through it, everything is evident**

**you can finally see**

**see the real me**

**the one you never knew existed,**

**because you were selfish**

**you only wanted me for my words**

**my smile**

**because when i discarded my own problems**

**i made you happy.**

**but now it's backfired**

**because how can i smile**

**when everything i have ever known**

**is falling apart**

**what can i do?**

**i don't have a stable job**

**but i have to keep my friends**

**i want to sleep, but i need to finish**

**why?**

**why can't the world, just maybe, just this once**

**_pause?_ **

Tom was falling.

He didn't know how else he could explain it.

He was falling like his world was falling apart.

The rush of wind tearing past his skin, the fluttering of his sweatshirt.

It all started the day Tord had slapped him.

Sure, they got into fights. Hell, they were _always_ fighting. However, it was always settled with a few shoves and Edd or Matt breaking it up, and if they weren't there, the two resolved it by screaming. But not that day. No. They were screaming at each other and the other two were out on their weekly Sunday grocery trip, so it was just the two of them. Tom had screamed something about how ugly Tord was and then, the Norwegian slapped him.

It put him back at his old home in a matter of milliseconds.

He didn't like his old home, not one bit. 

His arms rose to block his face, turning his head and his eyes squeezing shut as he stumbled back, muscles tense.

Then Tord started to apologize. He could hear a soft, 'I'm sorry, Thomas, I took it too far' and Tom moved his arms just slightly, tilting his head to get a look at Tord.

The Norwegian looked soft. His brown eyes were soft. He took a couple steps further and Tom realized how much Tord's brown eyes looked like his brother's friend's eyes, and he almost began to cry right there. He held it in, though, because he wouldn't let the stupid Norwegian see him acting so weak, so pathetic. So, he turned around and bolted away and into his room.

He was terrified because Tord reminded him too much of his brother's friend.

He thought they were gone from his memory, but he thought wrong. He could still feel their hands squeezing his wrists as they tossed him into the closet and locked him inside or they gripped his hair and slammed his head into the door.

Now, Tom flinched whenever Tord raised his hands or his voice. He never got into fights with him, either, no matter how much he tried to provoke him.

The cracks in his facade started that day. 

Edd started to notice his change of behavior. Matt did, too.

Then, one night, when he was trying to sleep(but sleep never really worked out, because he'd either have nightmares that woke him or he didn't even feel rested), he heard Edd yelling at someone.

He listened in, as any normal person would do.

"What did you do to Tom, huh? I've never seen him act this way!"

He froze, his breathing still.

"He's scared of you, Tord! What did you do to him?"

Warily, he slid his legs off the bed and stood.

Then, "I slapped him and he started to freak out and I didn't realize I scared him so much and I don't know what to do--"

He had already opened the door and was practically running down the hallway-- well, he was going as fast as he could without making a noise.

"You hit him?" Edd snarled and Tom flinched, peeking his head out the hallway and into the living room to watch the argument.

"I didn't mean to! It was in the heat of the moment, I was angry and--"

 _"No,_ Tord! Do you know what happened to him?"

He visibly swallowed.

He forgot that Edd knew.

Tord was silent and then there was a hand on Tom's shoulder, the Brit spinning around and ready to swing.

But it was just Matt, so he lowered his fist and murmured an apology.

"I didn't think he would react that way to being slapped--"

"It was a perfectly reasonable reaction because of what he's been through!"

Matt was pulling him close as he said, "Come on, Tom, let's go back to bed."

"Well I don't _know_ what he's been through so it's not my fault!'

"N-no," he protested, "they're fighting because of me. I gotta make them stop."

"Tom, they're both hot-headed right now. That's not smart."

He glared at Matt and escaped his grasp quite easily, resisting the urge to plug his ears at the loud yelling, forcing himself into the living room.

"Stop fighting!" he called and then both Tord and Edd whipped their heads around at him, both of them wearing their brown eyes and oh god, he was terrified. 

"This isn't your argument, Tom," Tord spat, taking a threatening step closer.

Oh, god, he was about to cry and he really didn't want to show how weak he was to the others.

He was so fucking weak.

"P-please, it's fine, Edd, I provoked Tord, it's not his fault, he didn't- he did nothing wrong," he began to plead, then he felt stupid fucking tears well up and he realized he was going to cry in front of his friends.

He's so weak.

Matt was swooping in to be his savior, only for his hope to be drained as the ginger began to shout, "Look at what you two idiots did!" 

Tom was full-blown crying now, not just the stupid fucking pools, but the salty water was dripping down his face now and god, he was so scared because they were probably annoyed at his stupid fucking crying and they were going to lock him inside of a closet and his eyes were squeezing shut and he shoved his hands over his ears--

"Tom, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been yelling." It was Edd's voice but Edd could still want to hurt him so he was stumbling back and away, cowering like a weakling. "Tom, I'm not going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He sunk to the floor, the tears not stopping and god _why weren't they stopping?_

"It's okay, Tom," Matt added, his voice smooth and Tom moved his hands and hid his face in them, trying to hide his ugly fucking features and the tears from them.

He didn't know what to do or say, so he just began to repeat 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Tom. We're the ones who should be sorry," Edd pressed and Tom felt a hand on his shoulder.

He took a few ragged breaths before saying, "Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry."

"We're not going to hurt you," Matt said and Tom opened his eyes just barely, spreading his fingers so he could see behind his hands.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"We upset you, Tom. You didn't do anything wrong," Edd repeated and Tom finally moved his hands away. 

Matt seemed to sigh in relief and Tom couldn't help but wonder, _did I tell him, too?_ but the thought was gone when Edd hugged him gently. His eyes flickered up to Tord and the Norwegian looked upset and confused.

So, he spoke. 

"You didn't know, Tord. It's okay."

He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in. "I... I still don't know what's going on."

Edd glanced at Tom and he nodded gently.

So, Edd began to tell Tord about Tom's brother's friend.

He told him how it started with a slap, then they began to throw punches, then they choked him, then they gave him a concussion, then they locked him in a closet for hours and Tom stopped listening at that point, only watching as Tord's face began to look more and more horrified as Edd told the tales.

He realized the stories were done when Edd said, "Tom told me this when he was drunk one night. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget."

Then, a dry chuckle.

That night, his facade cracked.

Tom began to recount more and more stories from his childhood that had been locked away and the more he did so, the less he smiled.

He no longer told jokes, either. He just stared into space.

Tom lost his job awhile back, but he's been making money from releasing his songs, but it was barely enough to pay rent.

Not that his friends knew.

If he told them, they'd hate him because he was too incompetent to hold down a good job.

The bags under his eyes grew. They grew and grew and Tom only realized how much he hadn't slept until Edd brought it up.

He wanted the world to stop.

But it couldn't. 

It would keep spinning.

So, you see, Thomas Ridge is falling.

He's falling and nobody is going to catch him.


	2. blue body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have a blue body  
> it drifts along humanity, as it is humanity  
> i see it and i sneer  
> ugly and fat  
> fat and ugly  
> the words repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, and they don't stop  
> i am useless  
> the world will never have to see me again  
> for tonight,  
> it will end  
> _______________________  
> i have a red body  
> it clashes against humanity, as it isn't humanity  
> i see it and i smile  
> nice and strong  
> strong and nice  
> they don't repeat, just appear from time to time  
> i am useful  
> the world needs me  
> for tonight,  
> it willed be saved

Tom had always liked the sea.

He would sit by the shore on his private beach, watching the waves. Sometimes, they lapped gently at the sand, two old friends meeting together. Sometimes, they crashed against the shore like it was life and the land was death.

Which, he guessed, wasn't far off.

Without the sea, the land would have nothing to kill. After all, they did allow so many animals to travel to different areas, giving them legs, snouts and lungs to breathe air. The sea created humans. The sea created life. 

The land repaid the sea by throwing trash into it, pouring oil into it, destroying its life, and much more. 

The sea didn't deserve it.

The sea hated itself for what it created and what it is.

The sea is something he had always identified with.

He drifted along people like fish drifted along water.

He is a person.

The fish are one with the water.

The sea hated itself like he hated himself.

He couldn't stand to look in the mirror. If he did, he would sneer with disgust. Under the disgust was pain as his mind screamed,

_Ugly, you're ugly, fat, so fat, lose some weight you god damned slacker, so pathetic, look at how childish your face looks, the way your cheeks are so round._

It would repeat insults over and over until he could've sworn the words were etched into his skin like a tattoo.

The sea couldn't give creatures a source of water. He suspected that it hated being useless, too. Because _he_ was useless and he hated it.

He let out a soft sigh, clutching his fingers around the handle of the gun.

He would die next to the sea, his blood draining into the water.

He would die by his own means.

He would finally die.

His thoughts would stop. 

His nightmares would stop.

His existence would stop.

His pain would stop.

His world would stop.

It didn't need him anymore.

 

 

Tord had always loved the land.

He loved travelling. He would hike through mountains and forest trails and he'd have a smile on his face the whole time. Sometimes, the land would give birth to creatures like robins and rabbits. Sometimes, the land would give birth to creatures like rhinos or scorpions.

The land had created deadly creatures. 

It seemed like the embodiment of death, really.

War has been raged on land far longer than anybody can truly know. The human race could never count its wars. It created weapons beyond their imagination, capable of destroying lives in a matter of seconds. It was a mess of love and death, constantly at war with itself.

Maybe the land deserved it.

The land is being torn down yet it stands mighty.

The land loved itself for its stupid creations and what it stood for.

The land is something he had always identified with.

He stood out from people like mountains stood from the ground.

He may be a human, but he was unique. 

The mountains were bigger than the rest.

The land loved itself like he loved himself.

He didn't stand in front of the mirror a lot, despite his confidence. Sometimes he would pass by and think,

_You're not half-bad._

But that was it. He wasn't a narcissist who doted on his looks. He was just... him.

The land gave food to its creations. He suspected that it liked being useful, too. He was useful and he liked that about himself.

He let out a happy sigh, feet digging into the sand as he walked the shore.

One day, he would be buried in the land.

One day, he would die because of what birthed him.

One day, he would finally die.

One day, he would not be able to share his thoughts. 

One day, he would not be able to dream.

One day, he would stop.

And that day would bring pain.

It would stop the world for just a millisecond.

Because it needed him.

The world needed its land. It needed its air. It needed its fire. It needed its sea.

Which is why his breath caught in his throat when he saw the sea with a gun in his hand, pointed at his face.

He took on a sprint as he called out to the sea.

The sea turned his head around and the land noticed how the waves began to crash against the shore.

Then, the gun was knocked out of the sea's hand and the land wrapped his arms around the sea.

The sea calmed.


End file.
